01/30/10

My head is throbbing in pain. It's like a vice grip has been placed around my head and is constantly, yet gradually being tightened. Something in my head is not right, and i'm trying to trace my day's experience so i may know what caused this exasperating and uncomfortable predicament. But to the extent of my reminiscing, i just can't seem to target one thing that may have caused this, and i'm left in constant petty self-massages on my forehead. And amidst the pulsating and intermittent thuds on the forehead, my head feels light. It's like the weight inside my head suddenly was un-carpeted. But i'm making this entry, so thank god i'm assured my brain's still inside my skull. The one-two punch combination of head palpitations and light-headedness is the perfect combo for tonight. A cold night, with rain relapse every now and then. Why don't the rain fall down in one go? Why must they delay their descend? One way or another, one place or another, they'll fall down the ground. Maybe some of the raindrops are afraid they may break into a simple spatter of wetfulness on the rigid ground called earth. They shouldn't be. It's a cycle, and the thrill they may feel when they are falling is incomparable and sublime. They should take the trip towards earth. They'll never be disappointed. Gravity will give them one hell of a descend.


Some people are like those raindrops, particularly those who delay their fall. They are afraid to plunge into unknown water for purposes they themselves do not know. I am one myself, if i'd be candid about it. I'm always afraid of what is in store for me, even if i do not know beforehand what is in store for me. I'm a pessimist who looks at the bright side of things. Ironic, right? I always think of the maladic outcome, so much so that i tend to believe it to happen imminently. I do not also impute these highly unanticipated scenarios since i believe that nothing happens bereft of purpose. Whenever i think pessimistically, dire as it may seem, i still think that even as that happens, life goes on. With or without me. Fact! The world is cruelly impatient and will not be waiting for you once you stumble into something.


Back to the raindrops, since they are one of my favorite things; makes me sentimental instantly. Sometimes when i see raindrops fall down and break into little fragments of sprinkled water, i think of the things they might be thinking when they were still falling down. It's not a short fall. Fromt the clouds down the ground is a lifetime already. And if ever those tiny, translucent raindrops were able to think, remember, and feel, what would they be thinking, rememebering, and feeling when they are in the process of falling? If we, humans, are about to dive into the unknown and untested waters, what would we be thinking before the actual jump? Especially if we do not know if the landing of our fall may result ominously to death. Would we be afraid? Would we hesitate and consequently not jump? If so, are these raindrops just coerced to take the greatest leap of faith in their cyclic life?


Man is so much like these raindrops. No matter how many times they are assured that everything will be alright, they are never assured. Their delaying of certain falls only prolongs their agony of waiting, since falling is inevitable, and breaking into little pieces of quasi-invisible water is part of their rote lives. Water-ground-air-water. Over and over again. Why do some men fear blunders? Life is full of them, why don't they just accept that hard-bound fact, experience some of it, live, then move on? We can never evade predicaments that can parch our eyes dry from tears. We are bound to fail, one way or another. But man's life, like those raindrops', is cyclical. We fail, we gloom, we move on, then we live again. As Sue Sylvester from an episode of glee i have watched awhile ago said, it's like milk! It makes the bones stronger!As Sartre again insinuated, "What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger." Failure may be a knife, but a blunt one. One that can hardly scrape the thinnest skin on our body, what that is, i have no slight idea. But i think it is the antecubital skin. But yeah! Hardly scraped if grazed by the blunt knife of failure. So why fear failure when it is prevalent in our lives? Do we never get accustomed to the constant bombardment of seemingly unexcavateable pitholes of failure which we dug up ourselves? Are we, as a species of self-purported high intelligence, doomed to be invariably fearing the one thing that can callous our feet, induce accretion on our bones, and thicken the walls of our hearts? We should not fear anything in life. Death is no exemption, since death is the laiden end of life. Or as was traditionally believed. Let us not be like those raindrops who delays their fall, and then fall eventually.


We may spatter once we landed cushionless on our falls, but it is those that makes us stronger. So, before we even encounter such falls, let us ready ourselves, build up on the muscles of our asses, so whenever we land on them, we have at least a comfy cushion. However insufficient an ass-cushion may be, it's way better than having virtually none. Re-quoting Jean Paul Sartre: "What don't kill you makes you stronger!" Man is immortal! =]