The day of reckoning has arrived for the most important person in my life, and sadly (that word doesn't even fit the pulsating thuds of my heart) she didn't pass. I cannot feel, or may insufficiently feel what she is feeling right now. If i'm already destroyed here, what would she be going through? After all the hardworks she put, the stressful month of November of reviewing, the gaining of nuisant weight, and the hundreds of pages of institutionalized books read, what would she be feeling right now? I have an idea of what it may be, but i cannot near comprehend the devastation of it. All i have is a view above, and i am not in the crossfire of the array of feelings she may be experiencing right this moment. I like to feel helpless, but honestly i am not in any way feeling impotent. Sh*t happens! All the time. If you are not strong enough to even accept that a priori/a posteriori fact, then you will not be strong enough when you will be bombarded with this shits! As i say, reviewing or not reviewing, everyone has got a 50-50 chance of passing or not passing; visited 10+/- churches, against someone who hasn't even visited one, still the same chances of passing--50-50. Hence, the world is turning with a 50-50 chance of ceasing.


Inasmuch as i want to be happy with the 37,527 out of the 94,462 takers, something is just holding me back. Wicked as it may seem, i'd bargain my soul (if it is even worthy of being bargained) for all those passers to fail in exchange for my life to pass. Another jawdropping, not in a good jawdropping way, result would be that only 39.7% had passed. Again, inasmuch as i want their standards be raised considerately inorder to screen the worthy from the un-worthy, i just can't imagine how few had passed. Numerically, 37thousand is no small number, but juxtaposed to the total takers, it just doesn't graze the surface. I don't know if i'm being too empathetic, but i really do comprehend what they are going through right this instance as they find their names skipped by another name. Or slightly i feel what they feel, because it is just too different when you are the one actually searching for your name. The devastation you may feel. I want to tap them all on their backs, tell them that life doesn't actually rotate around a license. REBT disputes: Never think that one exam can encompass the totality of your life. How can one exam (no matter how grand the stage) actually make you a dumb person already? If you are not too lazy,you can actually research on people who didn't have a spontaneously successful youth, and still became successful. Don't be a conformist and adhere to the seemingly rigid and grandiose institutional quagmires. Work your own life away from the blatant dictates of control-freaks.


If only i can reverberate my thoughts into each and every one who has failed the board exam, i would tell them that it is not totally their mishaps and incompetencies and lack of knowledge and skills, that resulted to their failing, but other variables which they do not consciously consider. AND! If i may opine, it is not god's will whatsoever. Those irating nonsense that keeps on replaying over and over again as an external mechanism for ego-defense is grounded on spongy bones. It may not also be your will, and i assure you that it is nobody's will. You fail because of your own limitations and current capabilities. But hey! Do not slouch and depreciate yourselves! For we are an evolving species and we continue to grow and learn. As Frazier in Walder Two, a book written by B.F. Skinner once said: "We are the causes of ourselves!" We cause ourselves to be, and by that assertion, we make our own lives by the choices we make, the responsibilities we take, the impedimentas we leave behind, and by the life we live. Remember! We are the causes of ourselves.


Frazier has thrown the gauntlet, and let us follow through! Let us cause ourselves. We may be influence by the copious array of external factors, it is still insubstantial as to our influence on ourselves. Let us cause ourselves! We may be catalyzed and proselytized by extraneous factors, this is nothing compared to how we catalyze and proselytize ourselves.


So, to truncate the pedestrian withdrawing of nonsense from my mind, i would like to advice the failers, "the race is not to those who run fast, but to those who continue to run!" Run! Stack up on breathes, gather your stamina, you will eventually get there! As to the color of my painting, the flavor to my water, the life of my life, the love of my life, i will always be here for you! Always has, always will. I know you are capable, this is just not your time to shine yet. Always remember that everything, shit or otherwise, happens for a reason. Let us together, and i will assure you that i will continually be by your side, find that reason. As for the two of us, our reason has long been known, and it is to live each other's lives in each other's company. You are my reason! And we'll live through this like we always do! Aja! =]