Here i am again finding myself breaking my promise of activeness. I have tons of meticulous cat muscle parts to memorize, and what am i doing? You got it right. Procrastinating. It's like a suppressed disease treated momentarily. Then in an unexpected aggravation, the once latent viral infection, came back with a new strand of chromosomal dna. Blah! Health jargons. But you get my point. I thought i have alleviated this disease, i may have thought wrong and may have jumped unto my bandwagon too early. Have i retrogressed? I think so not for i do not believe in retrogression in any way it is defined and elaborated. Nobody retrogresses, for one will never be the person he was in the past. The past will always remain within the realm of rememberings, never to be lived again, never tangible. A person can imagine himself being what he used to be, but it's just all that: mere imagining, never to be realized into a perceptible entity. Let's retrogress (not the person-type of retrogression, but more like a topic retrogression)! I have to once again find that pill that could have, may have, cured my procrastination. And i may have an idea as to what was it. Effort!


I think zoology21 can wait. It won't go anywhere as it is stagnant and is fixed under the foundations from which it was built upon. As of now, let me grieve on the first day since forever that i have not seen the love of my life. She, if it is not confidential, has gone to Cagayan de Oro. Of gold! Would we ever see glittering bars of tantalizing gold in that place? If so then i think every money-whores would flock that place, strip it with it's wealth, then leave as if the purpose of that place is for them to benefit from it. Ayn Rand emphasized the virtue of selfishness. Man is selfish and would seek and move forward with the thing that they think can contribute to their attainment of pleasure. And since pleasure is innately good, whatever we may do to attain it, the means to its end, is good. So is man ultimately a selfish creature? I believe so that we are. And just by denying that fact is in itself a selfish mode of defending the person. We seek everything that can, consciously or unconsciously, bestow us with pleasure. But then again, as Thomas Hobbes insinuated, not as a retaliation or a rebuttal, but as a supplement, that nothing in this world is in itself good or in itself bad. It's just the way we label the things we desire or detest. Man makes himself or others good or bad. It is how he label the things he desires or detests, therefore every code of conduct or morals and laws are mere subjections of what men thinks ought to be done and ought not to be done. And whatever is subjective does not apply to the totality of the human race, hence the relativitistic relationship of what is good and what is bad.


In an ineffacacious conviction trying to expunge my procrastination infection, i must study zoo21 after i have placed this on my self-gratifying blog. Since i was just a highschool student, i used to like to have my own blog, and it is only now that i have myself one that would cage the nomad in me. As i am an expedient person, and as was vindicated in my 16pf test, i do not stick to one thing for periods of time. I must do something different after a few days if lucky. And since i have been practicing awareness for myself, it is a start. Knowing your flaws, you may have a better chance on working on these, either going beyond it or just simply avoiding it. I'm more of the former. I am not an avoidant person, so much so that i tend to clash everything head on. If i have to, i will have to face it alone. Alone-ness is the predicament we will be in when our journeys are long since overdue. All that we will have is ourselves, except for those schizophrenic people and those with the dilemma of multiplicity, they'll never be alone. Man's struggle for living is only to himself and no one else. We cannot struggle for someone else's life. Our essentials may be the same, as a gradually rotting entity, but the meaning we imbue our own lives are up to us.


Suddenly strucked by somnolence, so i must now move away from this scintillating quasi-smoothed rectangular box. With its glaring glow, i have to squint a bit, which can, for a fact, induce drowsiness, which tonight, is not an option for me. I'm considering sleeping and wake up at dawn then study. I must go, and weigh the things which really matter to me. Not that it matters, i am just made to believe that it does matter. Free will, you will have to wait til' tomorrow! I will myself that! =]