Was suddenly struck with sinusitis. So sudden there was no caveat or whatsoever. It happened like a breeze happens for the trees. It started with a facile sneeze that complicated into a series of more sneezing and tearing. From the constant achoo-ing,came the consequent swelling of my eyes. My eyes tinted with red like squeezed tomatoes. After the seemingly uncontrollable parching of my eyes, i had a difficult time opening them, well not difficult in the sense that i cannot open them, difficult in the sense that when i do open them i get glared then i squint in discomfort from light that is not even there. And then, the moment of could-not-open-eyes-anymore comes. I closed my eyes hoping for a apacing remedy. I kept thinking that every ailment is a product of the mind; whatever the mind conceives, the body achieves(Pharmaton!). But in my deep (deep enough for the likes of me) and quasi-solacing meditation, nothing happened to my sinusitis. I opened my eyes, and unsurprisingly the symptoms never did get away. If anything, it got worse. At that moment i thought, i have to at least take my medication; though modicum, it could at least assuage me temporarily, enough for me to have walked my love home.But sadly, the effects of my medication took about 2hours to partake, and it was just too late. But, better late than never, as they say!


Right now, the more atrocious symptoms have slowly dissipated away. Where to? I hope far away from here, never to be disturbing me in my slumber. Traces of the footprints the nefarious sinusitits still remains though, but not much, just enough to make me breath uncomfortably with my mouth. Mouth breathing requires effort. Breathing is supposed to be effortless and subconscious, and i am, nonce, not privileged with it. I am also feeling the soporific after-effects of the medications i took. I don't want to be visiting the realm of dreams so early as i may wake up unexpectedly in the middle of dawn, finding myself unable to sleep again. I am already acquianted with 5-6 hours of sleep already, and if i am not in rote to it, i find myself, more often than not, very tired. The odium towards the despised sinusitis doesn't just stop there. The one thing, and the most ominous thing that i fear about this is when it complicates into asthma. Yep! My asthma has returned. I have had asthma since time immemorial, but i haven't had it since 1st year highschool. I had it back after 9 years of asthma-liberated life, and believe me, i have forgotten how it felt like and i think it came back packing a more stronger kick. That is the one thing i fear tonight when i go to sleep; being awakened by a wheezing, cat-like exhalation. An indubitable sign of asthma. I don't want to be going through the same ordeal as i had last December, i hope not. Well, if i do, again, what else could i do but prepare? How can i be prepared enough over something i cannot expect when its occurence will be? Then again, we can never be prepared enough of life, or death. We are students of life, and blatantly, we can never be masters of it. We harness the adversities life endows us with, but we cannot manipulate it or whatsoever to our own benefit. We can use the wind to hasten our journey, but we cannot ever redirect where it should blow.


My aimless verbiage, no matter how scathing, always leads me to life. It only goes to show one thing: that i am a punctual and diligent student of life. I learn new things from it, simply from inquiring and living. But inasmuch as my excessive learnings from life, i need to practice control. It is something i am not very good at, but i do hope i will manage. I am a master of my own self. We all are. Tonight, i want to end in something voluminously debated about. Are we really privileged with "Free Will"? Personally, i believe in a will, but not a free one. How that is, i still am not sure, but i'll try to expound on it tomorrow. Meander until i get to something insightful and serendipitous. And i think i should start praying already. To whom? I don't know. Or maybe i should not. The time spent on praying is wasteful. I should just introspect more so i may know something new about myself every night. Man continually grows! We should.